Books and crushes

Finished Portnoy's Complaint, which was definitely too long, and too much of the same thing. Lots of graphic sex talk, though, so it's not all bad. Next up is 1984.

( crushes )

The more interesting list is what makes me get crushes on people (well, girls) in the first place. Maybe I'll try to type that up in the near future. In summary, smart chicks with dirty dirty minds. And someone who likes me is a boon.

Books

I think I'll read three books this weekend: 1984 by Orwell, In Cold Blood by Capote, and... maybe The Plague by Camus? I also want to read Hamlet and Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead.

It's not like I have much better to do this weekend, huh?

Blah

I don't know anymore. I think I'm going to have a breakdown fairly soon. I wonder what it will look like. There's nothing specific for this, just a general feeling.

I have no one I'm close to. I thought maybe I did, but I don't. I have surface friends. Anytime I start to make a "real" friend, they stop talking about serious stuff to me. I assume that's because I'm hard to deal with. I'm admitting that, not guessing that. I AM hard to deal with. It's always women, and everything I say or do comes out as a guilt trip. Or else I get too... familiar with them, and then they can't talk to me because they don't want to say anything that might lead me on. And I can't blame 'em, because I certainly get inadvertantly led on by the simplest things.

So, basically, I'm dysfunctional. I keep thinking things will get better, like by themselves, but let's be real. I keep thinking that "if I only had a girl, things would be okay". But let's be real. I need a change in scenery, in every aspect of my life. Hit the reset button. Reboot. Take two. Start Over, try again.