Happy happy

Things that make me happy, Chicago-LJ-people-that-I've-met version:

• The way donkehote gets antsy when he gets bored.


• The way dynosaur has hope for the clearly hopeless Cubs.


• The way jarbabyj tells a story, especially when she's had a couple drinks.


• The way magdalene1 talks. Just her whole pace and vocal mannerism.


• The way misscreant talks about Lilly.


• The way nymysys laughs when I talk like a bitter Chinese guy.


• The way stacis quickly squints her eyes to emphasize things when she talks.


• The way typo_mna sings I'm a Little Teapot under peer pressure.
  
• The way valerieblaise tells me about how she's going to buy a place and give me cheap rent when she wins the lottery.


• The way vfc says "I know, right?"


• The way vileorb just keeps telling his story long after you've stopped listening.

Adventure?

I watched The Poseidon Adventure the other night. vfc made me. Anyway, the fact that this didn't win the 1972 Academy Award for Best Picture can only be attributed to one of two things: Either there was a massive Illuminati cover-up, or the voting body of AMPAS realized that The Godfather is a much much much superior picture. Poseidon was a pretty bad movie. Predictable, overacted, and taking itself much too seriously. Liza, I hope your love for it is based on the cheese factor!

But, I do have to admit that I secretly want to be Ernest Borgnine. I'm already fat, a Mason, and a horrible actor, so I'm on my way!

The silliness of being Ernest.

Ten random things about me and/or Ernest Borgnine (if he were speaking through me, in the first person):

1. I was married to Ethyl Merman for 32 days in 1964.


2. I was born in Reed City, Michigan.


3. My birth name is "Ermes Effron Borgnino"


4. I'm roughly 6'2" tall.


5. I won the 1955 Best Actor Oscar for my performance in Marty.


6. I studied Electrical Engineering at GMI Engineering and Management Institute in Flint, Michigan.


7. My role in McHales Navy was recreated by another overweight untalented actor, Tom Arnold.


8. I have an unusual obsession with monkeys.


9. I was the first ever "center square" on Hollywood Squares


10. Leonard Maltin called me "burly, gap-toothed, [and] frog-voiced (with a face to match)"

Swiss Cheese without the holes

I don't understand why people are cheap when they're experimenting. Let me explain: If you're not sure you like tequila, you should splurge a little and get a decent tequila, not the El Gringo Stupido for $0.88. Otherwise all you've learned is that you don't like cheap-ass tequila.

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't like Edam cheese, and I'm an extra $3 poorer for learning that. I hate it when my hypotheses come back and bite me on the scrotum. Or in the scrotum. That'd be even worse.

I've got rants in my pants!

I hate it when food products give misleading cooking directions. Take for example the Safeway Select Spring Rolls I bought today. It said to bake them at 400° for 12 minutes, when what it should have said was to NOT bake them at 400° for two hours until you smelled them and remembered them and they were little round Chinese briquettes.

Fucking companies.