markjwilder | Joey's Top Ten Flying Frustrations

The Seats - Consider yourself lucky if you don't have a fat ass. My ass is about 2" wider than the seat. They stupid fucking thing is that if they'd just let the armrest that is on the window side of the row swing up, then I'd have an extra 3-4" and everything would be fine. But no, they actually add a little plate to PREVENT them from swinging up. How fucking dumb.
Waking Me Up - I'm sleeping, I don't want a fucking drink. Let me sleep, bitch.*
The Self-Reclining Seat - My leg hits the poorly place button and before I know it I'm reclining. Why did you put the controls on the inside of the arm? What the fuck were you thinking?
The Legroom - Getting better on the major flight, but the regional flights suck hard.
Waiting on the Tarmac - They can't control the weather, but do we really need to be loaded in a plane so we can sit out on the tarmac for an hour? Oh, and please don't let us pee or give us anything to drink.
Rude Doo-doo Heads - Your bag is too fucking big. Check it. Oh, and they're not boarding your row yet. Sit the fuck down.
Gimme the Whole Can - Geesh, why pour me a half a can of Coke. Are you that hard up for cash after my $2000 ticket? Leave the fucking can.
Seat Belts - They're confusing to work. You have to be a rocket scientist just to figure it out. It's a good thing they show you how to use them in the safety instructions.
The Drone - Engine comes on, Joey goes night night.
Movies - So, you want to show me a bad movie, and then edit out anything remotely controversial, and then you charge me $4 for the headphones? Um, blow me.

*I know that the primary reason for flight attendants is in case of an emergency, but if they can't do the simple "air-waitress" jobs correctly, how can I trust them to do the right thing in an emergency?