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May. 19th, 2005 11:20 pmThere are times when I wonder if I'm in a Truman Show-like show, where all my actions are being recorded for the viewing audience. I'd assume it was on one of those few cable channels I don't get. I usually think of this when I'm singing to myself in the car or having a conversation with my cat. Today, whilst shitting and talking to my cat (I told her I didn't like her, but she knew better), I decided that it couldn't possibly be true because if it were, I'd have women ALL over me, just for the opportunity to be famous. But then I realized that they would have seen me having a conversation with my cat while taking a shit (naked, to boot), and realized they might not want me that bad after all. I mean, there's doing anything to be famous, and then there's doing anything to be famous. So the jury's still out on that one.
This all leads to a conversation about embarrassment. We've all done things that are embarrassing. Some of these still cause me to cover my face or growl when I think of them. It's usually about the smallest thing, things where I wonder if other parties involved even remember it, much less are caused angst by it. And that's the embarrassing part; it's not the action itself, as stupid as it was, it's the angst caused by it to others. Never angst caused to myself. I mean, I've shit myself (is it too late to mention TMI?) and I can shrug it off because it wasn't really in my control (I have what's known as "dumping syndrome", a side effect of having my gall bladder removed. It basically gives me the sudden shits, and their ain't always a bathroom around.) It's the things that I can control that cause the embarrassment. A fer'instance: When I was a freshman in high school, I played football. I came to the sidelines after a series of downs and I was thirsty, so I called the manager (a sixth seventh grader) who took too long for my tastes. When I got the water, I squirted some at him. This was right in front of the stands, so the crowd was kinda booing and hissing at me a little. I apologized to the kid (I was a manager when I was his age) and treated him extra-nice from then on, but boy was that stupid. There was also a time a couple of years ago when I was waaaaay to forward with this girl I know. Not like date-rape forward or anything, I just thought she was more into me than she really was... Eh, it's a complicated story. There are also lots of times when I turned conversations into pleas for naked pictures, almost always meant in semi-jest, but still often inappropriate. You'd think I'd lean, but that one I never do. Lots of other little things like that, stupid little things where I hurt (or perceived that I hurt) someone else by my actions. It's a horrible feeling, and these things are something I wish I could just forget, especially given their probable insignificance.
[Poll #497291]
Edited to add: Things I've learned from this post (courtesy of spell-check): I can't spell "embarrassment".
This all leads to a conversation about embarrassment. We've all done things that are embarrassing. Some of these still cause me to cover my face or growl when I think of them. It's usually about the smallest thing, things where I wonder if other parties involved even remember it, much less are caused angst by it. And that's the embarrassing part; it's not the action itself, as stupid as it was, it's the angst caused by it to others. Never angst caused to myself. I mean, I've shit myself (is it too late to mention TMI?) and I can shrug it off because it wasn't really in my control (I have what's known as "dumping syndrome", a side effect of having my gall bladder removed. It basically gives me the sudden shits, and their ain't always a bathroom around.) It's the things that I can control that cause the embarrassment. A fer'instance: When I was a freshman in high school, I played football. I came to the sidelines after a series of downs and I was thirsty, so I called the manager (a sixth seventh grader) who took too long for my tastes. When I got the water, I squirted some at him. This was right in front of the stands, so the crowd was kinda booing and hissing at me a little. I apologized to the kid (I was a manager when I was his age) and treated him extra-nice from then on, but boy was that stupid. There was also a time a couple of years ago when I was waaaaay to forward with this girl I know. Not like date-rape forward or anything, I just thought she was more into me than she really was... Eh, it's a complicated story. There are also lots of times when I turned conversations into pleas for naked pictures, almost always meant in semi-jest, but still often inappropriate. You'd think I'd lean, but that one I never do. Lots of other little things like that, stupid little things where I hurt (or perceived that I hurt) someone else by my actions. It's a horrible feeling, and these things are something I wish I could just forget, especially given their probable insignificance.
[Poll #497291]
Edited to add: Things I've learned from this post (courtesy of spell-check): I can't spell "embarrassment".
