Random shit I thought of in the last four hours...

1. I went to Borders and guess what I bought... Go on, guess. NOTHING! I didn't buy a damn thing. Found a few more things for my amazon wish list, though.


2. I had a buttload of other things to say, but fuck if I can remember 'em.


3. Oh, just for Jarby, Eric Bogosian is in Igby Goes Down. He ain't in it much, but he's in it.


4. My crush doesn't want me to be so crushy, and I think she's right. Best for both of us. So I'll try. She's still pretty fabulous, though. It's not like i have to stop talking to her or anything.


5. My sister is thinking of getting me an iPod. She's a teacher and she forces her students to buy lots of Scholastic books and such and she gets lots of points that she can turn in for GIFTS FOR ME! So she's trying. I love her even if she doesn't, of course. She's a great sisser.


6. My mom is trying to find the guitar she used to have so she can send it to me so I can learn. I'd like to play an instrument. I'd also like my dad's fancy-ass camera that he doesn't probably use much anymore, but I ain't holding my breath for that.


7. I want a harmonica. A Hohner Blues Harp will do nicely.


8. I would also like a saxophone, which I used to play in high school. My neice Emily has mine. A baritone sax would be EXTRA cool. A lot of people don't know this, but there are a TON of different sizes of saxophones (well, eight), from the tiny sopranino to the huge contra bass. Here is a good page with the different sizes, and here's a picture of a saxophone orchestra with a bunch of different sizes. I played a bass once, it's HARD. Takes a lot of lung power.


9. Why is it that Girls Gone Wild can get thousands of women to show their boobs to the world, and I can't get a girlfriend? That seems unfair.


10. I should go to a third world country and find a nice smart pretty girl who needs to get the hell out of there. I've got that passport thing working for me. Or I should move to northern Europe, which would rock except for being so far away from my family and friends.


11. nymysys is among the users of the semagic client now. She's a smart girl for listening to me. There's a new version out, by the way.


12. "Ants Marching" represents everything I hate about Dave Matthews Band. What a horrible horrible song. In other music news, I just heard an add for a silly 80's compilation with all sorts of CRAP, but it had Break Out by Swing Out Sister that I now wish I could listen to. The 80's weren't a very good decade for music, but there were a few good ones.


13. In my opinion, my face takes up a freakishly small portion of my face. See my proof.


14. I could be reading my book, but I'm not.


15. My sisser should send me gramma's chocolate mint sammich cookie recipe. I have people who like homemade cookies.


16. What did the fish say when he ran into a brick wall? ( the answer )


17. Tom Petty sucks. But hasn't he always?


18. Hockey season starts tomorrow! Let's go Red Wings! The Wings open against the Sharks on Thursday. The Stanley Cup banner goes up on October 17th against the Canadiens. I can't wait for Stevie Yzerman to come back from his knee surgery.


19. _sophie should be on AIM more often. I like talking to her.

Dreams

I had this dream the other day where I was a soccer player. That's laughable, of course, because soccer requires a level of fitness that I've never had in my entire life. Anyway, I wasn't a full-time player, I was a specialist. I was really good at penalty shots. I could put the ball exactly where I wanted it, regardless of weather conditions. So, I played for some German team, and they paid me an obscene amount of money to mostly sit on the bench. I was too fat and out of shape to play during the game, so they only put me in for the last minute so that I'd be eligible to kick for the penalty shots (I don't even know how they determine eligibility for penalty kicks, but that's how it worked in my dream). Anyway, I never missed. I was way over-paid and did hardly any work. Sounds like my real job. WHAT does that mean?

My friend Chris and I were talking about dreams the other day and he has a recurring dream that I also have from time to time. A dream where you can't fly, really, but you can sort of keep from hitting the ground. You can jump up in the air and instead of landing, you can sort of just keep hovering. You can even go higher and lower. Like a bird catching an updraft with his wings, only you're not a bird and you don't have wings, so it's really nothing like that at all. When I have the dream, I feel special and invincible, much like I feel after I take a really good dump. What does that MEAN?

I had no idea that there were so many dreams that were common. Was it vix1 that did the poll a few months ago that had a bunch of common dreams? I had no idea that other people had dreams about their teeth falling out. What DOES that mean?

I haven't had a sex dream in ages. What does THAT mean?

edited to add: good flying dreams (where you're flying with little effort) mean that you overcame some obsticle (or possible watched Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon too much. Teeth falling out means that you're unhappy about your appearance. Lack of sex dreams likely mean that you need to stop wanking it so much (that's just my theory).

Onion

I hate it when people quote from The Onion, as if I wasn't going to read it anyway. Here's an example:

Defense Department Typo Results In U.S. Attack On Ira
ARLINGTON, VA - The U.S. Defense Department apologized to Skokie, IL, dentist Ira Nussbaum Tuesday following a bombing campaign aimed at removing the 37-year-old from power. "Apparently, the intelligence source who drafted the attack plan against Iraq failed to strike the 'Q' key hard enough," Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said. "The 'Q' was always a little stubborn on that keyboard. Sorry." This marks the first military action taken against Nussbaum since a malfunctioning shift key prompted Ulster Unionists to detonate his Ford Taurus in 1998.

There's also a great infographic on Snoop Dogg going clean. He's goin' on "Da Pizatch".