UGH

In about 185 days, I turn 30. My life to this point has been a joke. I am up to my neck in debt, I'm eating my way to an early grave, I'm never going to be more than a mid-level manager in my job, and I have no dream. That's really the worst, isn't it... To not have a dream. To not have someting to aim for. I assume that I'll just skate by until my early death and then, well, that's it. The early grave thing doesn't bother me too much at this point, because I'd rather dye young than old and lonely. The lonliness REALLY sucks. If there is one thing I could change about myself, I think it would be to not be lonely. Friends are nice and all, but I need that somebody. Prospects look grim. Of course, these things always get better when you least expect it. Or so they say. I hate they.

Yeah, so I need to make a life decision here. If things stay the same then they're guarenteed not to change. I need some short-term goals and I need to figure out HOW the fuck I'm going to manage to stick with them for more than 2 days. Instead what I'll do is watch dvd's and surf the internet to sites that don't interest me, but at least they're not the same thing i've already read.

This was supposed to be cathartic, but it didn't work.

Sha jvgu Rapelcgvba!

Vs lbh sbyybj guvf yvax, lbh'yy or noyr gb qrpbqr guvf. Vg'f rapbqrq hfvat gur EBG13 grpuavdhr. V hfrq gb hfr EBG13 nyy gur gvzr jura V ernq arjftebhcf nyy gur gvzr, ohg abj V qba'g trg gur punapr gb irel bsgra. V yvxr EBG13. hfvat guvf zrgubq, nyy gur yrggref ner ebgngrq sbejneq 13 cynprf. Gur avpr guvat vf gung vs lbh er-EBG13 vg, vg raqf hc onpx gb gur bevtvany grkg. Avsgl, uhu? V yvxr vg. Gurl hfrq gb hfr vg gb cerirag lbh sebz ernqvat fbzrguvat gung jnf bssrafvir be qvegl be fbzrguvat, fvapr lbh unq gb PUBBFR gb qrpbqr (naq gurersber ernq) gur zrffntr. V gbhtug Gbaln nobhg vg gbqnl, gbb. Lnl. V whfg jvfu V unq fbzrguvat zber jbegu rapelcgvat.

Znxr fher lbh ercyl va EBG13!

(no subject)

What to talk about. I've been thinking all night that I should post a LiveJournal. Something with substance instead of that crap I posted earlier with the ROT13 crap. But crap is so easy.

So, about LA. There's a big chunk of me (all chunks of me are big (well, except the one that matters)) that says "FUCK IT!" and is ready to pack up his shit and move. But the bigger part, including the tummy, ass, and thighs, realizes that that's a fucking CRAZY idea. What would I do for money? How would I live? Where would I get my STUFF that I love so dearly? THINGS, MAN, THINGS! I suppose I could just drop it all and work at a bookstore or some shit, but THAT'S sure not going to make me happy. So I'm fucked and broke in LA instead of fucked and paid in Chicago?

But I'm thinking about it. Maybe not LA. Maybe London or Tacoma or Vancouver or Austin or Omaha. Well, not Omaha. Probably LA if I do it, just because I have more ties there than anywhere else (except for here, of course). It's just SO UNSAFE. Do I really want unsafe?

I suppose ruts are safe. Maybe I belong in a rut. Maybe I don't have the guts to get out of it. But it's something to explore.