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The most excitingly boring day of my life.
Jun. 5th, 2001 08:41 amAs I write this, it is 10:47pm on June 4th, 2001. I am at my friend Karen's house, unable to go back to my apartment. Why? Because there is a hostage standoff at the grocery store directly in front of my apartment. The store is about 200 yards from my apartment. There is a half-mile perimeter around the store, and looking at the news there are about 100 police officers in the parking lot. It's odd seeing my apartment on the Chicago news. Unfortunately it doesn't look like the situation is going to end any time soon, so I might be spending the night here. Apparently, some officers were making an arrest on a gun charge and the perp (a term I learned from NYPD Blue) got away. There was a short chase to the store, where the gunman opened fire on the officers chasing him. One was shot in the neck and is in critical condition and the other was in good condition after taking a shot in the chest (protected by a bullet-proof vest). Actually, it's not a hostage situation because the guy let everyone out of the store, so it's just him in the store. But it is impossible to get to my apartment complex at this moment in time. I can't go home. My fricking modem cable is at home, so I can't go online. So I am updating my LiveJournal via notepad, and I'll copy it over when the chance presents itself. I'll even post in a link or two. So I might be sleeping at Karen's house tonight. I was supposed to call someone tonight, but I hope she'll understand why I couldn't. If I had my freaking calling card, I'd call her from here.
So, yeah, that sucks. But now I have a REALLY good reason for being late for work tomorrow. I've never called in hostage before. There was just another update (hard to find now, the local news is over and it's not big enough for national, so I'm getting my news every half hour or so from a chicago cable news channel, basically a glorified cable access station). I really don't want to sleep on the floor of Karen's apartment. She offered me her guest room, but I'm trying not to intrude. How silly is that? I'm sitting in her living room and I'm trying not to intrude. I want to leave. I want the police to storm in and hope for the best, just to get it over with.Let the guy flee to a different grocery store, one that isn't in front of an apartment complex with only one entrance. From Karen's living room (about a mile down the road), we can see police cars going by. Most have lights off and are going away from the scene. There is also a helicopter that keeps circling. Every once in a while it leaves the field of vision, so i start to hope that the whole thing is over. And then it comes back.
Have you seen this footage from the riots in Nepal? It looks like archival footage from the 1970's. At least that guy took out his family (whoops, I meant "accidentally discharged an automatic weapon) and got it over with.
The whole situation has made me wonder what I'd do if I were a gunman holed up alone in a grocery store. I think I would tell them that I was eating pickles so they'd think I was in the condiment aisle, but really I'd be in the refrigerated section next to the lunch meats. Those are better pickles. I would also consider making a charcoal fire on the floor of the store and roast marshmallows and maybe a nice steak. Might as well eat well, you're either going to be dead or eating jail food, might was well live it up now. The store also has an electric pony, and you know DAMN well that the guy's going to ride that. C'mon, are you going to tell me that if you're all alone in a store, you're not going to ride the pony? If you say that, you're a liar. I'd also grab jars of sauerkraut and throw them on the floor, yelling "wet spill on aisle seven!" Then I'd run around laughing like a kid, just laughing and laughing. I'd do some REAL testing to see what feminine pad is REALLY most absorbant. I'd free the lobsters from the tank, let them run around a bit. I'd put some fish in the venting, because you know damn well they ain't going to find that for a few weeks. I'd go frozen turkey bowling with a turkey (or chickens if you'd rather) and some two-liters. I'd play baseball with limes and a loaf of french bread. I'd wrap the pony in toilet paper when I was done riding it. I'd open all the cereal boxes to look for the prizes. I'd have a bowl of Fruity Pebbles. I'd eat a stick of pepperoni. I'd see how dog food tastes. I'd make some Spam sculptures. I'd scan things. I'd open all the registers and count the money, make it easier on the clerks for the next day. I'd have an apple, royal gala, of course. I'd take a bite of a red delicious, realize it was mushy and mealy, and throw it out. I'd rate all of the deli salads on a scale of 1 to 10. I'd decorate a cake to say "I barricaded myself in an Eagle market and all I got was a lousy cake". I'd change their recipe for glazed donuts, just to see if they noticed. "2 cups sugar, 4 cups flour, 3 tablespoons urine, ..." Mmmmmmm, shrimp sauce. oooooh, Ben and Jerry's Kaberry Kaboom! I would end up giving up just because I'm puking my guts out. Maybe eat a fuck-a-lotta raw pork so you can have a few cushy days in the infirmary.
I haven't seen the helicopter for a while. Maybe it's all over? Maybe the copter had to refuel? Maybe they realized that it's stupid to have 100 cops, armored cars, AND an helicopter just for one guy with a shotgun. There are still cop cars going down the road, slowly, no lights. I need to call the police station again. Maybe they'll know what's going on. The crappy cable show is showing some sports thing, not updating me on the situation. I'll apprise you of the situation when I know what's going on.
[12:37am] The roads are still closed. Looks like I am sleeping here. Just barge in and shoot the guy, already.
[8:28am] Well, it's finally over. I don't know if the guy capped himself or what, but at about 7:45 the news said it was open. I still had to go through 3 cops to get back to my apartment, and there are still about 30 cop cars just in the street. I am taking my time getting ready for work, after only 3.5 hours of sleep or so. Update on the news said that the coroner was called in. That's my store. I shop there all the time. It's weird.
[9:00] The suspect is dead, killed in a shootout with police. The story also made CNN's homepage. I'm watching CNN Headline News now to see if there is any national coverage. Doesn't look like it.
So, yeah, that sucks. But now I have a REALLY good reason for being late for work tomorrow. I've never called in hostage before. There was just another update (hard to find now, the local news is over and it's not big enough for national, so I'm getting my news every half hour or so from a chicago cable news channel, basically a glorified cable access station). I really don't want to sleep on the floor of Karen's apartment. She offered me her guest room, but I'm trying not to intrude. How silly is that? I'm sitting in her living room and I'm trying not to intrude. I want to leave. I want the police to storm in and hope for the best, just to get it over with.Let the guy flee to a different grocery store, one that isn't in front of an apartment complex with only one entrance. From Karen's living room (about a mile down the road), we can see police cars going by. Most have lights off and are going away from the scene. There is also a helicopter that keeps circling. Every once in a while it leaves the field of vision, so i start to hope that the whole thing is over. And then it comes back.
Have you seen this footage from the riots in Nepal? It looks like archival footage from the 1970's. At least that guy took out his family (whoops, I meant "accidentally discharged an automatic weapon) and got it over with.
The whole situation has made me wonder what I'd do if I were a gunman holed up alone in a grocery store. I think I would tell them that I was eating pickles so they'd think I was in the condiment aisle, but really I'd be in the refrigerated section next to the lunch meats. Those are better pickles. I would also consider making a charcoal fire on the floor of the store and roast marshmallows and maybe a nice steak. Might as well eat well, you're either going to be dead or eating jail food, might was well live it up now. The store also has an electric pony, and you know DAMN well that the guy's going to ride that. C'mon, are you going to tell me that if you're all alone in a store, you're not going to ride the pony? If you say that, you're a liar. I'd also grab jars of sauerkraut and throw them on the floor, yelling "wet spill on aisle seven!" Then I'd run around laughing like a kid, just laughing and laughing. I'd do some REAL testing to see what feminine pad is REALLY most absorbant. I'd free the lobsters from the tank, let them run around a bit. I'd put some fish in the venting, because you know damn well they ain't going to find that for a few weeks. I'd go frozen turkey bowling with a turkey (or chickens if you'd rather) and some two-liters. I'd play baseball with limes and a loaf of french bread. I'd wrap the pony in toilet paper when I was done riding it. I'd open all the cereal boxes to look for the prizes. I'd have a bowl of Fruity Pebbles. I'd eat a stick of pepperoni. I'd see how dog food tastes. I'd make some Spam sculptures. I'd scan things. I'd open all the registers and count the money, make it easier on the clerks for the next day. I'd have an apple, royal gala, of course. I'd take a bite of a red delicious, realize it was mushy and mealy, and throw it out. I'd rate all of the deli salads on a scale of 1 to 10. I'd decorate a cake to say "I barricaded myself in an Eagle market and all I got was a lousy cake". I'd change their recipe for glazed donuts, just to see if they noticed. "2 cups sugar, 4 cups flour, 3 tablespoons urine, ..." Mmmmmmm, shrimp sauce. oooooh, Ben and Jerry's Kaberry Kaboom! I would end up giving up just because I'm puking my guts out. Maybe eat a fuck-a-lotta raw pork so you can have a few cushy days in the infirmary.
I haven't seen the helicopter for a while. Maybe it's all over? Maybe the copter had to refuel? Maybe they realized that it's stupid to have 100 cops, armored cars, AND an helicopter just for one guy with a shotgun. There are still cop cars going down the road, slowly, no lights. I need to call the police station again. Maybe they'll know what's going on. The crappy cable show is showing some sports thing, not updating me on the situation. I'll apprise you of the situation when I know what's going on.
[12:37am] The roads are still closed. Looks like I am sleeping here. Just barge in and shoot the guy, already.
[8:28am] Well, it's finally over. I don't know if the guy capped himself or what, but at about 7:45 the news said it was open. I still had to go through 3 cops to get back to my apartment, and there are still about 30 cop cars just in the street. I am taking my time getting ready for work, after only 3.5 hours of sleep or so. Update on the news said that the coroner was called in. That's my store. I shop there all the time. It's weird.
[9:00] The suspect is dead, killed in a shootout with police. The story also made CNN's homepage. I'm watching CNN Headline News now to see if there is any national coverage. Doesn't look like it.
